This question came to my mind unexpectedly, while I was looking through the window of my office, waiting for my boss to provide me with the 25th round of changes to the next year budget. Even though this exercise is completely useless, because the 26th round is coming tomorrow, cbd oil
I felt guilty. Feeling guilty for me is like eating or breathing, everyday necessity. If there is no apparent reason for it; it’s not a problem, I can always make up one. I blame my mom for it – my Jewish mother.
My mom loves my sister and myself deeply and unconditionally. We talk every day. If my mom calls and I am not home, I feel guilty. She would come up with some horrific scenarios in her mind and worry herself to death. She would feed us and our families until we can’t get up from the table. If I don’t try everything she cooked and complement, I feel guilty – it hurts her feelings. I don’t remember hearing “Good Job” from my mom. There is always something small (or big) that could be done better. She compares us to others, but somehow fails to come to the conclusion that we grew up to be independent and successful people. First, my mom seems surprised that her kid actually accomplished something; second, there is someone else who achieved more. She is worried that we don’t think everything through before making an important step. When I told her that we were buying a house, she asked: “Are you sure you have money for it? What happens if you lose your job?”
My parents’ primary goal was to make sure we have food, clothe and roof over our heads. They wanted us to get an education, which would lead to stable jobs – with “stable” being the key word. It’s OK to be stuck at a job you hate, as long as you get a paycheck. Everybody is doing it. We talked about politics, books, but never about personal matters. I could not imagine having a conversation with my parents regarding alcohol, drugs, and sex. It was not something you discuss at a dinner table.
My parents wanted us to have a good life – stable, calm, risk free, without any major ups or downs. They did what they knew how and were comfortable with. They are great people, and I’ve learned a lot from them. They shaped a person I grew up to be.